And here are the latest and most up-to-date definitions of some traditional musical terms:

ANTIPHONAL: Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall.

BAR LINE: What musicians form after the concert.

BASSO CONTINUO: When musicians are still fishing long after the legal season has ended.

BEN SOSTENUTO: First cousin of the second trombonist.

CADENZA: Something that happens when you forget what the composer wrote.

ESPRESSIVO: Used to indicate permission to take a coffee break.

MAESTRO: A person who, standing in front of the orchestra and/or chorus, is able to follow them precisely.

RUBATO: A cross between a rhubarb and a tomato.

STRINGENDO: An unpleasant effect produced by the violin section when it doesn’t use vibrato.

Summer is finally here, time to relax, sip a glass of ice tea in the garden and laugh a little. You thought you knew your musical vocabulary, right? Well, I’m not so sure… Some of those definitions are certainly worth pondering about.

ALLREGRETTO : When you’re 16 measures into the piece and realise you took too fast a tempo.

APPOLOGGIATURA: A composition that you regret playing.

CORAL SYMPHONY: A large, multi-movement work from Beethoven’s Caribbean Period.

DILL PICCOLINI: An exceedingly small wind instrument that plays only sour notes.

FERMANTRA: A note held over and over and over and over and. . .

FRUGALHORN: A sensible and inexpensive brass instrument.

PLACEBO DOMINGO: A faux tenor.

THE RIGHT OF STRINGS: Manifesto of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Violists.

TROUBLE CLEF: Any clef one can’t read: e.g., alto clef for pianists.

VESUVIOSO: An indication to build up to a fiery conclusion.

VIBRATTO: Child prodigy son of the concertmaster.

You are a big royalty fan and will be up in the middle of our night so you won’t miss one precious second of the wedding of the decade tomorrow? (Don’t forget to make the cucumber sandwiches ahead of time as you may not be fully awake at that time!) Will an orchestra accompany William and Kate, will it be a string quartet? Will there be Royal Fireworks Music? Details are of course top-secret, but Christopher Warren-Green, music director of the London Chamber Orchestra promises that it will be “extremely beautiful and fitting.”

Alex Ross of The New Yorker proposes a tongue-in-cheek collage of music fit for a prince and his princess… or maybe not. To listen…

It is true that, often enough, contemporary music can be a challenge to decipher, especially when you are premiering a work. Soprano and pianist Eileen Huang may have just the recipee for performers on the verge of loosing it while staring at the score. It’s too good not to be shared.

1. Combine 2/3 cup unusual intervals with 1/2 cup challenging rhythms.
2. Sprinkle liberally with accidentals. (Double-sharps and double-flats optional.)
3. Add sprightly tempo marking.
4. Bake until your brain is melted with a golden brown crust.

Because it’s finally the weekend and you can’t help but laugh out loud when you read the rather creative answers students wrote on their music tests…

The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna.

Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven’s Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin’s Rap City in Blue.
Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco.

Refrain means don’t do it. A refrain in music is the part you’d better not try to sing.

Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano concerti.